The modern scholar of Mandarin is more likely to be found squinting over a computer or a mobile screen than laboring over scrolls and calligraphy. In my own struggle to improve my language fluency I have found texting in particular to be a fine way to study the usage of particles, abbreviations, and colloquialisms. It is also an excellent way to practice slang.
As I’ve probably given out more than 100 business cards in the last 5 months I’ve collected more than a few text pals, people who I never see again in person but who write occasionally to remind me to stay warm in the cold weather or send holiday greetings. I can’t explain this other than to say that I am the only Chinese-speaking American many folks here have met personally and they think it is fun to have the modern equivalent of a pen pal.
Of course on occasion I encounter someone looking for a little bit more.
An example: returning home last night after ten I noticed that a Chinese fellow I had met at the Treehouse the weekend before and with whom I had exchanged brief “hey, aren’t you looking forward to Spring Festival” texts the night before, had sent me two texts in the last hour. I ignored them and sat down at my desk to write up some notes. Fifteen minutes later he called. I didn’t answer and minutes later he sent another text. Moderately irritated I consulted three separate dictionaries to be certain of the right term to express inappropriateness in the sense of impropriety rather than simple unsuitability and wrote him to say that as I hardly knew him, he shouldn’t be contacting me so late at night. I then fired off a text to my friend Wu Jie, first scanning this book
for an amusing synonym for “idiot” (I settled on 脑子养鱼 brain eaten by fishes) and telling her he was 烦死我了 (literally “annoying me to the point of death”). In the meantime he sent me two more texts.
Wu Jie wrote back and asked if I wanted her to make him stop bothering me. I wanted to reply to tell her not to bother, that I could handle it myself, but first I had to check the dictionary again. I knew there was a way to say something equivalent to the English “I’ll fix him!” but couldn’t remember if one was supposed to use 修理 (to repair), 处理 (to handle), or something else entirely. A short investigation revealed that the term was actually 收拾, which usually means to put things in order or clean up but can also mean “to settle with; punish”. Wu Jie replied with the universally-recognized smiley face symbol.
Texting is a great way to play around with slang that can be dangerous to say aloud but which is enormously fun to learn and can cast some very interesting lights on social change. I highly recommend the book above whose author was featured in an interview I posted a few months ago and whose title (literally “cow cunt”) means, if you recall “fucking awesome”. The author does an excellent job of introducing various subcultures (drugs, the sex industry, internet culture) and explains how strong each term is and among whom it is safe to use it (so, for example, while I could playfully call my Uncle Mu a 混蛋 (hundan, literally “slacker egg” and somewhat equivalent to the English term “lazybones”) I most definitely could not tell him the show I went to the night before was totally niubi).
Following is a selection of some of my favorite terms from the book, along with their pronunciation and accompanying explanations. I’ve kept it pretty clean and will leave it to you to guess what body part resembles, and is thus called “chrysanthemum” in slang. Buy the book and you will learn many, many things.
狗屁不通 gǒupìbùtōng（go pee boo tohng）
Incoherent, nonsensical. Literally “dog unable to fart.” Exclaimed in response to something, it means roughly “that makes no sense” or “that’s total bull.” Can also be used as an adjective to describe someone who doesn’t know what they’re talking about.
小兔崽子 xiǎotùzǎizi（shaow too dzigh dz--zǎi rhymes with “high”)
Son of a rabbit. A gentle, teasing insult common among older people and directed at younger people. Ironically, parents often use this term to tease their children.
老不死的 lǎobusǐde（laow boo sih duh)
A rude term for an old person. Literally “old and not dead.”
叫你生孩子没屁股眼 jiào nǐ shēng háizi méi pìguyǎn (jaow nee shung hi dz may pee goo yen)
Literally, “May your child be born without an asshole.” Sometimes 没屁股眼 méipìguyǎn by itself (“no asshole,” or more technically “imperforate anus”) is used as a curse like “Damn!” Originated in Hong Kong and surrounding southern areas, but now commonly used all over China.
管你屌事 guǎn nǐ diǎo shì (gwan nee dyow shih)
Mind your own damn business. Literally “mind your own dick.” Similiarly, “It’s none of my damn business” or “I don’t give a shit” is 管我屌事 guǎn wǒ diǎo shì, literally, “I’m watching my own dick.”
去吃大便 qù chī dàbiàn (chee chih dah byinn)
Go eat excrement; go eat poop. Similar to saying “get lost.” Sounds mild and silly, so it’s mostly used by girls in a teasing way.
炒饭 chǎofàn (chow fahn)
Literally “fried rice.” Taiwan slang for having sex, because stir-frying rice involves a lot of flipping and turning.
满地找牙 mǎn dì zhǎo yá (mahn dee jaow yah)
Get beaten up. Literally “find [one’s] teeth on the ground.” Used in northern China.
瘾君子 yǐnjūnzǐ (een jwen dz)
Drug addict. Literally “addicted gentleman” or “addicted nobleperson,” because once upon a time only wealthy people could afford drugs, and opium was considered a status symbol.
我出来大酱油的 wǒ chūlái dà jiàngyóu de (wuh choo lie dah jyung you duh)
Literally, “I’m just out buying soy sauce.” This phrase, along with “soy sauce guy,” swept the Chinese internet by storm thanks to a widely viewed Guangzhou TV news clip of a reporter asking an average man on the street his opinion of the latest celebrity scandal. The man famously replied “管我屌事，我出来大酱油的”--I don’t give a shit, I’m just out buying soy sauce.” Internet users have taken up the phrase “buying soy sauce” as a cynical euphemism for “It’s none of my business” or “Who gives a fuck?” On the Chinese version of Facebook and other popular sites, one now commonly finds, among the possible answers to online polls, “I’m just buying soy sauce.”
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Excerpted from Niubi! The REAL Chinese You Were Never Taught in School, by Eveline Chao. Please don’t sue me.
But hoo boy, that's not all! The very best part of the apartment has got to be the balconies: one off the living room (pictured above), one outside of Carrie's room,
and off Juliette's room, an enormous sun-drenched terrace with climbing stalks of bright pink bougainvillea. We ate dinner here my first night and then remained outside for a few hours drinking gin & tonics, eating pomegranates and banana, and enjoying the warm desert air. Heavenly.
I've spent the last few days wandering around Jaipur on my own but this morning I left the house with Carrie, meeting her usual rickshaw driver downstairs and tagging along in the morning to her meetings at the UNFPA and Rajasthan Family Planning Association. In between we stopped at her local chaiwallah for some tea. 
