NERDING OUT ON LANGUAGE (Part 2)

常老师 (Chang laoshi), my favorite teacher, has a pointer that she uses to urge us to use particular vocabulary words written on the board. It looks like a tongue depressor but has a little cloth person in colorful dress pasted on one end. When I or my classmate Han Wei make a mistake or evince some uncertainty with regards to the primary directional terms in Chinese shang (on), and xia (under), Chang laoshi employs the pointer, placing it either on, or atop her palm (上), or holding her hand over it like an umbrella (下). Not that this makes things entirely apparent.

Why, in Chinese, are you under a particular situation (recession, gender discrimination, etc.) and not on it? Why do you refer to the past as something you are on top of, and the future as something you are beneath (on last week, or under next month, for example)? I suppose it makes more sense than the other way around, but why not in and out, or behind and in front of? Sometimes English directional complements map on to the Chinese ones, but it isn't for any kind of reason supported by universal logic. Why, for instance, does one bliss "out" and not "in"?

An admittedly amusing diversion when you are home sick and not feeling the homework, words are also very powerful and not to be trifled with. I once spent quite a lot of time trying to figure out what a fella meant by telling me he felt he was 'standing' in love with me, rather than 'falling' in it. Sounds safer really, but at the time I was rather offended. In Chinese, you can be "on" love (爱上), if the other party is unaware of your feelings, but not "in" love. Once two people are involved, you are "谈恋爱", or 'talking about love', and if you refer to a love affair in the past or present, you can throw in a little complement and be "at-talking-about-love".

I am always surprised when I learn of a word or saying that is identical to the English equivalent. Does the term 疼爱, or 'pain-love', indicate some universality of the experience of loving so much that it hurts, or just the influence of European languages on Chinese terms and ideas? I'm tempted to believe the former, but it does go against my best intellectual impulses.

For those less profound sensations, Chinese also has the 一夜情, or 'single-night-affection'. According to my electronic dictionary, this can also be called 一宿风流, the first pair of characters meaning 'single night lodging' and the following pair meaning either 'romantic; sentimental', or 'outstanding; accomplished'. Depending on your point of view you can pretty much take your pick. At least it makes more sense than 'one night stand' -- who's doing all that standing anyway?

SOME VOCABULARY WHICH WOULD BE USEFUL IF RYAN DOBOSH WAS SPENDING HIS BIRTHDAY IN CHINA, RATHER THAN IN LAS VEGAS

牌戏/pai hu = blackjack ("cards-dead and gone")
酒鬼/jiu gui = drunkard ("booze ghost")
发牌人/fa pai ren = dealer ("dispatch cards person")
赌场/du chang = casino ("gambling area")
赢/ying = win (fatten with money/shells)
表演脱衣舞者/biaoyan tuoyi wuzhe = stripper ("demonstrate clothes-removal dancer")
老虎机/laohu ji = slot machine ("tiger machine")

Granted, that last one would only be useful were I to ever be invited to join the boys club, which I shall not be, and to which I say: 之所以你跳进黄河也洗不清，是因为你一直没请我跟你们一起庆祝你的生日.

But I forgive you, and also I miss you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY RYAN!

SICHUAN (四川) PHOTOGRAPHICAL SPECTACULAR, Part 2

Ah yes, the promised land...

Approximately 10 kilometers north of Chengdu (billed in tourist literature as the 'hometown of pandas') lies the Giant Panda Breeding Research Base (大熊猫繁殖研究中心), home to nearly 50 giant and red pandas. Over the course of our 5 day stay in Chengdu, Jessica and I went twice.

The 'bear-cats', as they are called in Chinese, are mostly out and about in the morning when they are fed, and feed they do, with the obvious devotion required to maintain those sexy panda curves on a diet of nothing but bamboo and the occasional apple.

You need a video, don't you? Thought so.



When not eating, the pandas are inevitably sleeping, that is, if the excited tourists can manage to keep their big fat mouths shut.

I like to imagine that if pandas could communicate directly, they would say things like this, ideally with a Russian accent and an aristocratic pout.

Here are some sleeping pandas. I especially like the one draped in the tree to the right. You can't see it very well, but he was just hanging there, limp-limbed and out like a rock. I suspect the Chinese scientists have been experimenting with genetically modified bamboo containing Ambien. What else are they going to do? Those damn tourists just won't shut up.

It being the off-season, we didn't see more than a dozen other people the first time we went, but on the second, we came a little later and had to jockey with the tour groups for space, especially around the panda cubs. This was one of those occasions though where being relatively "tall" was a real boon. I took this video of one of the mischievous little ones:



We were all on pins and needles watching this little guy climb, letting out little gasps and murmurs of concern when it looked like he was going to fall. We were relieved when the panda wrangler finally caught him and re-placed him on top of the fort.

I was surprised that there was only one handler watching over 4 naughty little pandas (who can actually move quite fast when they're on the ground). She often seemed rather exasperated, looking at them with an expression of "what am I going to do with you little national treasures?"

Oh, and one of them barked at another! Soooooooo cute. Just like #4

Of course practically speaking, the panda obsession is just one big environmental charade. Pandas have no natural place in modern China, requiring huge swaths of territory to meet their food needs, reproducing slowly and difficultly, and exhibiting enormous sensitivity to changes in their environment. This is why, like the Florida Manatee, they are held up as barometers of environmental health. But breeding them in centers (aside from potentially raising awareness), does absolutely nothing to ameliorate the environmental problems that their endangerment signifies; it only produces the illusion of environmental protection as China goes on polluting, poisoning, and generally destroying the natural world. (Speaking of which, this article, if a bit extreme, is terrifying).

But because giant pandas were clever enough to evolve a gentle, pacifist demeanor, an adorable lumbering waddle for a walk, and giant black circles around their eyes that make them look like helpless infants that just need us to love them and take care of them, fund-raising and the diversion of large amounts of government resources is certain to ensure their continued protection.

Not that I'm necessarily complaining. I can't help it. I want nothing more than to be close to them.

Sorry to disappoint, but I didn't end up holding a red panda. Not only did there not seem to be any babies around (the adults would claw the hell out of you and aren't an option), but once I got to the park I was filled with all that awe of and respect for nature crap, and couldn't stomach the thought. I know, bo-ring. I'm sorry. Here are some pictures of the feisty little firefoxes that escaped my clutches.

I'm sure I'd bore you to distraction if I even attempted to discuss how the giant panda and red panda are related (not that I understand it particularly well myself), but the information is out there should you be interested. Chinese people themselves don't seem to understand what either has to do with the other, aside from both being endangered, and both being way into bamboo. In Chinese, the red panda is simply called 'small panda' (小熊猫, xiao xiongmao, or 'small bear-cat'), without even the color to distinguish it.

I suspect that this has something to do with the reservation of the designation 'red' for a limited scope of very important things. I know it sounds like loony anthro-talk, but I'm not kidding. My teachers, for instance, refuse to recognize my hair as red. Despite being repeatedly defended against a classification of blondness by my classmates (who valiantly found magazine images of blond Westerners and held them next to me, forcing my teachers to concede that there was a difference of some kind), I have yet to be accepted as 'red'. I guess I ought to beef up on my communism.

The Panda Base is a pretty classy place. Peacocks and swans roam freely and swim in a giant artificial lake, and dense thickets of bamboo border all the trails.

But seeing that it is only 10km out of the city with the 3rd most cars per capita in China, it didn't have the sweet, clean air we craved. That was, however, to be found two hours away at Le Shan (乐山), home of Dafo (大佛), the largest Buddha in the world.

It was misty down in the valley,

but as we climbed up the mountain, past tigers,

minor gods in grottoes,

and thoughtful warning signs,

it got clean, quiet, and tranquil,
and finally, at the very top, we found real blue sky and a nice white pagoda.

The Le shan Buddha was carved out of a cliff side overlooking the confluence of two rivers. It is difficult to get a perspective of its actual enormity when starting from the top (those ears, for example, are about 23 feet long).

You can take it in part by part as you slowly descend the giant stone steps carved into the rock alongside it, but to get the full view, you have to take a ferry.

This local one, recommended by the Lonely Planet, didn't look particularly seaworthy.

Still from the very base of the Buddha, the view was pretty cool.

He didn't look quite his 233 feet, but he looked impressive, if a little naked.

I know what you're thinking: Buddha schmuddha, let's see some more pictures of pandas!

Sleeping panda!!!

Sleeping panda cub!!!

Precocious baby panda!!!

Pandas eating with unbridled abandon!!!

Hooray hooray hooray!

(That still isn't enough for you? I understand. Get thee to www.pandafix.com)

SICHUAN (四川) PHOTOGRAPHICAL SPECTACULAR, Part 1

Part lion, part dragon, part reindeer, all awesome. Random beast at Wenshu Temple.

Some people have lives so exciting and friends so attractive that they can compose blog posts out of mere photographs. Despite my seemingly exotic address, I can rarely do the same, but as I am freshly returned from Chengdu, I do have some nice pictures to share with you good people, although not the time to narrate them.

文殊院 - Wenshu Temple:

The temple's teahouse:

望江楼公园 - River Viewing Pavilion Park:

(Yes, that's Jessica, dwarfed by the bamboo and unaware of my sneaky picture taking)Around Chengdu (成都):

Tianfu Square (天府广场) and the Mao statue presiding over it:

Shops in the Tibetan quarter:

Drying meat in the late afternoon light, right outside our hotel window (center, right, and also upper left, but out of view):

Drinking tea at 人民茶馆 in the People's Park:

Immediately after Jessica took this photo, a woman at an adjacent table came over to instruct me on the proper way to hold my teacup and how to drink from it. The anthropologist in me was all that held me back from bitch-slapping her.

The tea:

A stray kitler looking for snacks in the park:

That's all for today. Stay tuned for the panda-filled Part 2!