MONTANA IN THE MIDST, PART I: HAPPY TIME CHINA FUN (with transcribed innermost thoughts)

"I feel like I've lost a lot of weight since Montana's wedding but oddly most of it seems to have come from my head"

"Oh my god, I'm on a public bus, this FUCKING RULES!"

"I also love being on the bus! And when you say bad words it makes me giggle!"

"I guess this day is as good as it gets, huh? I can handle that"

"A corridor of white people in coats? Finally I blend in!"

"My money is on the fishball"

"The view is nice, but the Japanese toilet is even better. I feel so fresh"

"Preeeeetttttty"

"But the internet was right about the unrestored parts of the wall being a little rough"

"Dude. We just made a Mao sandwich."

"I EARNED this name. All the rest of you are TOOLS"

"Scissors, HA! Bet you didn't see that coming unamused plainclothes public security guy"

"This is not a real place"

"-----------------------"

"Where is the app that makes this into a remote control for subway televisions? I want to watch Breaking Bad"

"Green and yellow. Good"

"I can write my own name - this is going to blow this calligraphy guy's mind"

"And then he's going to show me how it's really done"

"Tweet tweet!" "Tweet tweet!" "God, I'm so lonely"

"My phone contains important information, thus I will temporarily ignore the festive smoothie that awaits me"

"Ah yes, now I understand everything"

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Sucker whitey thinks I made this by hand? I have this shit outsourced to Burma"

"Rawr"

"Be at peace my people, your empress is benevolent and wise, not to mention well-dressed"

"Whoa"

"Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes)"

"I am even more structurally impressively than the Seattle Public Library"

"I am the coolest tailor in Beijing, and possibly, the world"

"We are just so damn happy to be hanging out together, eating, drinking, and 玩ing in this ginormous, chaotic, exciting city. Life is good"